Culture-jamming Slavism: a Youtube curation

"Olive oil warriors". "Gypsters". "Slonkys". I cannot enter a Main street bar these days without hearing these slanderous, pejorative slurs volleyed about the room. And it is high time for our culture to check their fair downy heads.

I am referring, of course, to Slav-Bashing: the libelous, ignorant and ill-motivated mockery of Eastern Europeans. The underpinning force behind this phenomenon is the incredible belief that people of Danubeic descent are freeloading off Western culture, and thereby somehow watering down our values and popular trends.



Sound familiar? How many times have we made this mistake before, only to find that the racial group in question has co-opted our art and made into something so much better? Did the Swedes steal the couch from America? No! They borrowed it, they made it their own and they improved it (I love you, Karlstad!). And honestly people, doesn't everybody deserve to not sit on the floor? It's easy to forget how well we have it, sometimes. God, I'm certain there are people out there who still grumble about the Italian "plagiarism of the Pizza" during the "conquista" of Mulberry street. To those remaining malcontents, I can only refer to the wonder that is the thin crust, and indeed, how great it tastes when it is stuffed with Colby mozzarella (how do you do it, DiGiorno?)

Besides, North America, who are we to throw stones of malice, when our foreclosed houses are made of brittle glass? Yes, we certainly are far from clean in the cultural food fight. Consider the oft-overlooked fact that the best music of this grand last century was plucked wholesale from the open arms of another culture, and hurriedly whitewashed into homegrown goods. It wouldn't be hyperbole to suggest, furthermore, that these very rhythms and basslines have up and become the most popular anthems of our time.



Indeed. I meet teenagers every day who honestly think Polka came from Sam Phillips and Alan Lomax. A pox on what is idly called modern musical education. Those same kids probably think "La Isla Bonita" was originally composed by Ricky Martin.

Speak the Hungarian Rapper, I ask you, how long must it take for us to realize that what we mock is in fact what we love the most? I submit here that the each and every Slavist out there harbors a secret but deep crush. Yes, hating nation, underneath the ire we are all closet Balkaphiles: we adore their serpentine facial hair, their minor keys and their enterprising use of small children. And this closeted lust can only be bottled for so long (I will grant you that John and Paul could carry a tune, but the seeds of Anglophilia were sown way back by Chamberlain). We are, in memetic terms, days away from a turning tide that will douche these oppressive times clean and aroused for what will eventually be recognized as the Cabbage Invasion of pop music. Until then, I am counting the hours and tuning my balalaika.



The researcher would like to extend special thanks to the other surviving third of Mighty Tree for invaluable references.