Why all our dreams will be crushed, eventually

One of the great modern rituals of campaigning is the unveiling of personal tastes, blanded out in order not to offend even the most culturally backwards constituent. And nothing could be more revealing than the songs in each candidate's iPod. The best word for Barack Obama's taste in music is, um, tasteful. He showed his iPod to Rolling Stone and unsurprisingly, the magazine didn't find anything that the average Rolling Stone reader isn't familiar with. He likes the Stones, Dylan, Coltrane, and Stevie Wonder above everyone else (nothing wrong with that) and also Sheryl Crow (Hillary come back, all is forgiven). He also likes some modern hippa-to-the-hoppa stuff like Jay-Z, but only with much furrowing of the brow about the misogyny and materialism and the message it sends his daughters. It's sad to say, but Obama just might be a Rockist. Of course, if Obama so much as breathes in or around one of these evil rapper folks, a million idiotic right-wing blog posts will spring forth. Blandness is probably the best defense. At least he loves The Wire.

You probably don't think John McCain has an iPod. After all, he is unable to answer the question "Mac or PC?" (Seriously, there's a 50% chance this guy will be the most powerful person in the world in a few month. This planet is the best.) But here is his personal listening device, in all its glory:
He leaked his current on-the-go playlist to Daily Kos:

Woodchopper's Hornpipe
The True And Trembling Brakeman
That Crazy War (of 1812)
Globe Trotting Nelly Bly
Adam In The Garden Pinnin' Leaves
Roll The Cotton Down
Granny Does Your Dog Bite
Hop Up, My Ladies
Cluck Old Hen
Boys All My Money's Gone
Gonna Keep My Skillet Greasy

and an ode toA his lovely wife Cindy:
Liberty Off The Corn Liquor Still

Actually, John McCain doesn't have an iPod. But his trust-fundie "Blogette" daughter sure does! And she likes Ryan Adams! And Incubus! And Joss Stone's horrible White Stripes cover "Fell in love with a boy"! If John McCain can't stop his own daughter from listening to Ryan Adams, how can we expect him to be able to stand up to Ahmadinejad? (Hmm, can't seem to find any iPod playlists on his blog. On the other hand, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has his OWN BLOG! Maybe Buzz Bissinger was right about blogging after all...)

But the purpose of this post isn't merely to implore good Americans to never, ever, EVER elect a hipster First Daughter. Because as fun as it is to point and laugh, your three correspondents have their own musical skeletons in their, um, iPod closets. This week's question/experiment, courtesy of the DCeiver, is:

1. Take out your iPod (or Zune, I guess...really, who buys a Zune?)
2. Press shuffle songs.
3. Answer the following: a) How many songs before you come to one that would absolutely disqualify you from being President? b) What is that song?

If all goes as planned, then by the end of this week, none of us will be fit for higher office. But I guess that's nothing new. Good night, and good luck.